New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
