I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
