Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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