Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
