I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
