how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
