just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
