The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
