Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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