my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
