I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
