She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
