im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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