I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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