You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
