tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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