Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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