im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
