all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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