Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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