i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
