Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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