I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
