I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
