dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
