Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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