I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
