just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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