Don't make out with my wife yet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
