Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
