Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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