everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
