so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The air was thick with penises
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Let's get the cat blown out
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
