you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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