someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
