have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
