I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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