And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
