I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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