Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
