u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
