I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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