when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
