Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
