You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Actions speak louder than pants.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
