I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
