How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I currently don't understand fingers.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
