so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
