did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
