i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
