Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
